If you know me and are close enough to me that we have become friends you know my method for making friends is stupid, immature and I have utterly no control over it. And if you don't know me I will detail my retarded ways.

I tend to pick people out, some of whom I've never talked to, mostly by how I've observed them to be. Then after I pick them out I choose to make friends with them. Then I basically do everything I can to become friends with said person. Then once we are friends, just fledgling friends, I begin to tease them and make fun at their expense. I am not sure why I do this but I always have. Then they get upset, and that makes me absolutely miserable. Well I am in the miserable state right now, because I've done it again.

I just don't know how to escape this vicious cycle. I just don't get the stop hints. I would rather someone just straight up tell me to stop then to take it until they are mad but they never do and its too late when I finally get the hint. So basically bye bye buddy. No wonder I spend more time alone than with anyone else. Thank god I have Darwin or I would really be all alone.

Octoberfest

It's October YAY. Fall is my favorite season and Halloween is just a great holiday. I love the way nature changes and the color schemes are so much more intense and beautiful. Living in Fresno, I can go to Woodward park and the Chinese gardens there and look at the leaves and the ponds and their reflections. I love the sound of crunchy leaves when you walk on them and when they are blowing across the sidewalk. I love to be cold and I love when a random sprinkle makes the smell of dirt and freshness pop. I love when it really rains at night and you wake up to puddles and just can't resist to splash in them just a little. I love to wrap up with a blanket and a book and find someplace in the sun to read and relish in the cool weather. I love to have chili beans or home-made soup made in a crock pot, so the smell wafts through the house all day. And since I got my own crock pot for my birthday, I am ready to make soup, yum. I Love football and we are into the season now, I love going to the football games and drinking hot chocolate and cheering for my team with everything I have.

I love drinking sweet hot drinks, the cup keeps my hands warm and the drink warms me up inside. Fall and Spring are wonderful seasons but with the addition of Halloween and my birthday Fall wins. I love scary movies and for a few weeks every October, the world becomes one, a little bit. I love watching the cute little kids in their costumes. I love the spider webs and ghosts lurking around every corner. I am excited for this month. I love carving pumpkins with friends and family and displaying them for the enjoyment of others. Last year I carved Spongebob and it was awesome. Well Happy October to all of you and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I feel older. Not in the good way. I have never been so unhappy about a birthday before in my life. I dread tomorrow, Birthdays Have always been a cool thing inmy book. A day where people are nice to you and acknowledge you. I strive to make the birthdays of my friends at least reasonable and now I realize I don't have friends that would do the same for me, and those that would are no where near enough to make my day reasonable. Thinking about how tomorrow will pass without a single birthday hug or a trip out to dinner with a loved one. I will write more when the sadness wears off, until then Happy Birthday Me.

The Body Aches

So far today I have had three showers, two injuries, 1 phone call, 1 door fall on my head, a couple of smashed fingers, paint covering my arms and hands and even my hair. I've planted 21 flowers, pulled a bazillion weeds, watered my entire yard front and back. Painted 4 doors and their jams. Read 100 pages of Lord of the Rings, dug 3 holes. Mowed my entire yard front and back. I've done two loads of laundry.

Basically I have been really busy and my entire body feels it. My legs feel like I've ran a marathon and even though I have paint everywhere I am so just gonna wash it off in the sink before I crash. And tomorrow, I am going to be just as busy. My mom is coming to visit and I need to make sure my house is completely up to date. Well I should try to get more done before bed, so I am off.

Fresno State vs Wisconsin

So Saturday I went to the Fresno State vs Wisconsin game. It was so fun. I had a student ticket, and a couple of my new friends did too so we went together. They came over at 2 to pick me up and we went over to KFC and got a tailgate special and came back to my place to eat. Then we headed over to Damions house to hang out before the game. He lives right across the street from the stadium entrance so we headed over to his place hours before the game and only barely made it before the streets got blocked off. We walked over t the stadium nearly 3 hours before the game was supposed to start. The student section had already begun to fill. Student seats are first come, first served so you have to get their early if you want to sit near the front, which we did. We wound up about 7 rows up which wound up being really great seats. The other thing about the student section is, while there are seats, no one uses them nearly.

The game was great and the excitement in the stadium was envigorating. I was sad we had lost and so was everyone else. The Fresno State Fans were quiet and just swept along with the hordes of people exiting the stadium. Most of the Wisconsin fans were smart enough not to make too much noise about winning but some of them that did had to figt off a few pissed fans. Not to mention te Fresno State fans who decided to fight with each other. But overall it was a fun and exciting experience. When I came home I scanned through ESPN's coverage of the game (I had DVR'd it), and I saw myslef on there cheering for the dogs. I havn't watched all of it but some of the people around me at the game had said that friends had seen them 3 or 4 times and since I was right there with them I should be there a few times too. Yay me. Hope you're having a great week and I'll write again soon.

My September 11th.

So even though it was heartless and a little self absorbed I didn't appraoch today in the way that many Americans did. September 11th has always been a special day in my life. September 11th is my dad's birthday, and one of my best friends too. So I awoke this morning and approached it like any other day, with two very important birthday calls to make. But as the day passed and I had time to think about the significance of 9/11/01. The impact it had on the world, on America, on Americans, on my family and particularly on me.

I remember that morning. I was a sophmore in highschool, my mom woke me up and told me to come watch the tv. Though only one plane had hit the towers, I was already worried about family I had in NYC. My aunt and her husband and their twins who would turn one the next day. I never moved from the front of the tv while I was getting ready and we listened to the radio updates the entire way to school. At school no work was done, we just sat there in a shocked silence. Annoying and petulant teens, many of whom have no respect for themselves, or anyone else were uncharacteristically respectful. At some point during the day the news media began to suspect that other terrorist attacks would be soon to follow. It was mentioned that the oil fields of Socal could possibly be a target and then the fear for myself and my family sat in. I went to my friends house, It was her 18th birthday and she was supposed to be having a party, only thanks to NYC only me and her boyfriend showed up. We started watching the news updates, but that was a downer, so we ordered pizza and put on a movie. For weeks after that there was a scent of fear in the air. And seven years later a faint tinge of that fear still drifts in the breeze. We all act as though we are not afraid any more, but 9/11 shifted all of us. A small part of us believes that if it happened once it could happen again. Maybe thats true but me, I just want to continue enjoying my life while its still mine to live, and if that means putting a horrible tragedy like 9/11 out of my mind, then so be it.

Home Sweet Fresno

So I moved into my house on August 28th. There was a lot of work to be done, but with the help of my family we made a large dent in the workload. Sunday night my dad and brother headed home, (Dove season began Monday morning and they didn't want to miss the first hunt). My mom and I continued working all day Monday and I dropped her off at the train station on Monday night. Sleeping posed a problem the first few nights in the house, but slowly I am becoming more and more able to fall asleep. I still sleep with my dads pistol on the night stand but that will go away eventually.

As for school, I pretty much love it. There is an energy on campus that I havn't felt at any other school I've attended. Its like you know you're there for learning but you can feel that a spontaneous explosion of fun could be just around the next corner. Like yesterday, Best Buy came with their Guitar Hero motor coach and they had a competition all day long. Random but tons of fun to watch and listen to. Not to mention the million other cool things going on. Last week the Ag program came and sold organic healthy home(school) grown snacks. And this Saturday I am going to watch the Football game with some of my new friends. Its supposed to be one of the best Football games this year, aside from the game against UCLA which I also have tickets to.

My classes are pretty good. I am taking Ceramics, Creative Fiction Writing, Philosophy of Tolkien, and Microbial Physiology. I love my ceramics class but its so obvious my lack of creative skills, but I try and I enjoy doing it so I make it work. My Philosophy class should be the most fun, interesting class I have but the teacher brings that down with his lack of self confidence and his fear of public speaking, plus he was born a major nerd and it bled through into his adulthood. My Fiction writing class stinks in that I looked forward to writing fantasy fiction and the teacher only allows us to write literary fiction. But I enjoy writing so it could be worse. Now my microbial physiology class is interesting to say the least. The teacher is a Korean national with a heavy accent, making it nearly impossible at times to understand him. Plus its his first semester teaching this class, so he is feeling his way through it all. I think I will survive though, I have a great lab group and its a small class so we all talk about our questions and confusions before class begins.

I love living in Fresno and didn't realize how much until I went back home for the weekend. I love my family, that is for sure but they are stressful. My brother is at that age where he is basically a pain in the ass and my parents have to fight with him alot to get him to do anything. I remember going through this when I was that old. Anyways the yelling makes me cringe and I'm sure there are physiological responses too. Its just not healthy to have that kind of environment. I do wish I lived with someone right now though. Its too quiet and it gets lonely sometimes.

But I guess I am offically a resident of Fresno for the long haul. This house belongs to my family and it was purchased expressly for me. Its a little scary, I am stuck in Fresno for a least a few years if not longer. That means going home only as a visitor, and my brother makes that very obvious when I speak to him. Good thing I love my house. Come visit me already.