It's been so so long.

So much has happened these last few months. I don't even know where to begin. Well here goes:

I've lost a bunch of weight. I'm talking like 60 lbs. Its crazy. I feel so so so much better and I look it too. When I started to realize that I looked better I started to care more about the way I looked, which means more clothes, hair, make-up, almost never wear glasses anymore, just so much different. I decided to grow my hair out, I don't wear it wavy or curly now I prefer stick straight. My friends have changed, my standards have changed. I have changed. I am new and improved and I really like the place I am headed right now.

That's not to say I haven't hit a few speed bumps on the way. I've picked up a couple of bad habits. I drink a little to regularly, and I smoke socially. The drinking I need to slow down on and the smoking I need to eliminate. Working on it. I've also learned to stand up for myself which since I let people walk all over me for so long can seem to some people like I've become a bitch. But frankly I've discussed this with people I trust and people who are close to me and they've told me that while I can be bitchy once in awhile (and let's face it we all are sometimes) I don't have a malicious side of my personality so I could never actually be a bitch. I just act like one sometimes.

I finally got standards for the guys I date. I used to date any guy who showed any interest no matter if they had a job, a car, or a future. I just wanted the attention from someone of the opposite sex. That age old fear that I would wind up all alone. Well not so much anymore. I'm not seeing anyone in particular but I don't fear winding up alone any more. I'm not afraid to go after the guys I like even if it means a bruised ego on occasion. I apparently have a very flirtatious personality, and have even been called a tease though I still don't feel I deserved it. I've kissed more guys in the last three months than I have in the last three years which I'm actually quite proud of.

I got a new job. I work at two different group homes for juvenile boys on probation. A little scary at times but I think it has helped me learn to stand up for me. I've never had a problem being bossy but I used to back down more easily now I can hold my ground. I'm also more secure with myself because on the rare occasion it is called for I have been very capable of protecting myself physically. Most of the time I just chill though and try to be an ear for the boys to vent to. I like the job most of the time, though depending on the day you talk to me I might claim I hate this job. But I do feel purpose in this job. I feel like I am making a difference in the lives of these boys, some of which feel like the world has forgotten them. I can show them that I have not.

Life definitely has its ups and downs right now. Working two jobs and going to school full time while trying to juggle a social life too is exhausting but well worth it. Could life be better, of course I could win the lottery and never have to worry about money again but until that happens I am pretty content with where my life is at this second. I'm happy. That's not something I was able to say often back in the day but it holds true now. My life is definitely heading in the right direction. And until I reach my destination I am going to enjoy the ride.